Shhhhh! Dave’s not here.

starting Monday Nov. 24th

This is one of Dave’s best jags yet. This shit is brilliant. You’d have to read the idiocy that other people write in between to understand fully, or you could just understand what is happening in the first place. Either way. I’m handing out clues. Once I decide how to deal with the spelling and capitalization (the grammar is always pristine, hmmm?), I’m getting screenwriters and lawyers, I’m cutting an equal deal with Dave and we are going to go laughing all the way to a bank that doesn’t exist anymore. Then we will grab a few beers and start looking for a bank.

I’m not going to become I pirate, by the way. I’m thin enough and I’m not sure they have sane leadership (same way I feel about Venezuela, incidentally). In fact, in most of my opium dreams I am coming up with ways how to defeat the pirates. My latest scheme is a decoy oil-tanker. (know what I’m sayin’, Dawg?) In the meantime, I hope Obama names Dave Chief of Maritime Security, or Water Intelligence or whatever the fuck it’s called.

1) i’m gonna lose some wieght and become a pirate. that’s what i’ve always wanted to do any way. so this shit is perfect.

2) who ever heard of a fat pirate?

3) “Just what are the “ethical” arguements against nuclear power? This oughta be a side-splitter.”

whatever they are, you can be sure that the arguments for nuclear power are even funnier. ever heard of a nuclear powered pirate ship? cockbreath.

4) just stupid, nuclear powered pirate ships. who ever heard of such a thing? not while i have anything to say about it.

5) fuck trains, we should all be gearing up for long boats. anyone who mentions nuclear anything has to row.

6) budwieser, if i don’t see the fucking rapture this coming february i’m gonna be awfull pissed off. me an my pirate buddies are gonna come looking for you.

7) Yes, pirates, or Vikings, are a more apt metaphor.

shoot askosa, i ain’t engaging in no stinking fucking metaphors, like choochoo trains and shit.

8) or zombies fer christ’s sake, vampires niether. we’s talking fact, not fiction round here.

9) 14 yo girl? that’s a wench in training; i always say.

10) remember budwieser, rapture in february, or that’s your last prediction.

11) ever

12) Hopefully, your head will be in the fucking volcano.

laughing

13) State colleges and community colleges have a better chance.

the extistentionalism of ransom
sacking and looting 101
remedial math for pirates
pidgion english for communication

i’m telling ya, the best days are ahead of us.

14) ….

Ooooh, but I have to break in for this Yarra moment. If Yarra posts anymore stuff like this, I’m gonna have to devote a whole thread to him -

Asoka,
Why would any country want what is termed a ‘free trade agreement’ anyway?
You’re really boring as batshit when you drink the Obama flavor-ade.
How about we start applying a ‘time-horizon’ unit to your predictions of when the world will be a better place thanks to Obama?

… and I know you all hate me for this, but I actually find OeO quite friendly this week to our side of the force. Notice he never really attacks true regulars. Nick and Nudge being the only discernable eceptions, but then, it’s not like these two don’t like to give battle. My guess is that within two weeks of giving each other space, you will be friends. It works for me. But I’m no authority on the whole cyberlife thing and the internetz thing. Me don’ts know nuffins abouts dat.

He made me laugh a couple of times, too.

…And Part II…

Asoka,

“Bat shit is not boring. And what is happening now is not politics as usual.”

Clearly I’m ignorant; please explain the most interesting aspect of bat-shit.

You say it’s NOT politics as usual, then use a quote about how it has happened before, just that it’s ‘taken to a whole new level’ this time – but that is not explained in any real sense in that article (except that people ‘want to see leadership’ which is naught more than an unsubstantiated opinion) .

I know this is the internetz and pasting info is common, but that was a piss-weak example.

There’s a collective moan here (even if you can’t discern it) every time you post, nay paste, some long-winded waffle about how Obama will change everything.

Wake up dude and smell the sulphur.

Part III

88

888

Asoka,

“In sixteen months, you, too, will be wearing an Obama happy face.” [asoka]
-Err, not on this side of the planet.[Yarra]

So, you can dig up bat shit and find out what bats were eating a few hundred years ago at most. Doesn’t exactly give as much info as ice-cores or sedimentary rock, and wouldn’t have as diverse a bacterial population as some of the oxygen-deprived areas deep beneath the oceans.

As for a fertiliser, digging it out of the cave will disturb the bat population, I would think, and it would be a HS&E nightmare to send workers into an atmosphere full of noxious ammonia.

You want to make ammonia naturally/organically? Try Aquaponics. You don’t have to eat the fish if you’re vegetarian.

Some of the posts you make are pretty good – but for reasons outlined above, some are boring as batshit.

Dave starts up at 7:15 on the 25th

15)

http://www.tard-blog.com/archives/entries/ndpn/2_tards_and_stickers.phtml

Me: “Fine. I hate you. I hate you so much. My Dad hates you to. Your a sorry bitch. My dad buys me all the stickers I want, so I don’t even need more stickers. You are greedy and an asshole.”

16)

oh yeah, like “wizard” has something worthwhile to say.

[wizard is a complete douche who shows up once every 4 months. neither Dave or me can ever get a fix, we are usually so drunk we can't make any connection with "wizard." it comes to us in the coma-state only. But then we realize. It's "Wizard" !!!! That evil fuck.]

17)

destiny,

you make me hot.

18)

batshit is cool. but some retard named obama, is just another retard.

19)

all of you need to order and read this book, today. it will change your life fer sher.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Good-Bye-Depression-Constrict-Everyday/dp/0595094724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227586927&sr=8-1

20)

“Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus.”

21)

~zk~

I have this dream where I’m playing bagpipe on a flatbed rolling out of some vague Australian town. And this hot chick is running up to me and offering me a joint.