sabrina

As usual, a woman is responsible for the nation’s deepest, darkest (no pun intended) problems. But she is not just any woman. She is Portugese. This suggests a communist conspiracy. The portugese have long-standing ties with terrorists.

I don’t have any facts yet, but based on gut instinct, I would say we need to round up all portugese women and quarantine them. Spellchecker is telling me I can’t spell portugese. WTF. I’m American. It’s spelled anyway I want to.

Regardless, we need to keep women off planes. The future of our children is at stake.

To be clear, I’m not advocating an invasion of Portugal. Don’t be silly. We don’t have the troops. At least not until the surge in Astan works. But let us shun and ostracise (sp?) these vile people.

Again. It is not about Portugal. It is about terrorism and women.

In the meantime, if you want to help your country -

KEEP WOMEN AWAY FROM PHONES. They just are not advanced enough to handle modern technology.

I’ll admit, I just chose a random Portugese model for the photo. But C’mon. Her name is Adriana Rocha. Even on Facebook these bitches try to torture me. They are relentless.

Here is a link to an artcile with the actual call:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/30/us/30gates.html?_r=1&hp

Judge for yourself.

Forget her globes. Look at that thumb. No woman that age should have a thumb that long. It is obviously fake. You could hide two ounces of Semtex in that thing. That’s enough to make the tail-fin fall off any Airbus A320.

Ms. Whalen’s statements contradict the police report filed by Sgt. James Crowley, who said Ms. Whalen told him outside Mr. Gates’s home that she had seen “what appeared to be two black males with backpacks” on the porch of the yellow single-family house.

Not racist? NOT RACIST!

Please.  She clearly hates hippies.

♥ • ♥ • ♥

OK. [taking the Jon Stewart hat off]

All jokes aside. Here is another quote from the real Helen of Troy, Lucia Whalen:

“The criticism hurt me as a person but also hurt the community of Cambridge.”

On Wednesday, she said she hoped that with the tapes out, “people can see that I tried to be careful,” adding that she never thought that her words “would be analyzed by an entire nation.”

“I respect the Cambridge police as well as Professor Gates and I hope my decision to speak out does not add any controversy to what has been a difficult situation,”

A man would never have said those things. That shit is presidential. Again, I don’t know the facts. But based on what i know,  I would vote for Whalen for any office in this country today. She is a smart person. Did a lawyer coach her? Who gives a fuck. She’s got my vote.

Let the assholes have their “beer.” I’ll take Whalen to lunch or tea anytime. After Nudge, of course.

Whalen is a real American. She is a real hero.

But she can never be a man. And only men can be real men of genius.

beersummit

Obviously Camp David needs to be renamed Camp Heineken.