I just had a long conversation with Nudge. Very Long. Like 3 hours. I was masterful. Like Lincoln. On the phone.
It was like the decision to bring McClellan back for the second time.
I convinced her that Bif should run her blog while she is gone. No blogger takes a month off without subordinates stepping in. This is what I told her, Bif. You gotta step up. Nobody wants Johnny Rico running Future Townies. Bif, you gotta do this. Just one post every three days. She’ll be back.
I offered her Doom and Remus. She wanted Bif.
Just say yes.
If you have no problem, I’m giving her your email tomorrow.
9 comments
Comments feed for this article
August 1, 2009 at 3:38 am
bunnbunn
As sales pitches go, to cast Bif as a “subordinate” intentionally or otherwise is a potentially fatal error. He may let it slide, because he’s Bif and because of his love of writing, but of this I cannot be sure.
My favorite English language writers on this planet, in no particular order, are Saint Bif, Martin Amis, dave, HST, John Dolan, Faulkner, Conrad and Joyce. There are others, such as thal, JR and Dostoevsky, for whom English is a second language, but they will have to go officially unacknowledged for now.
August 1, 2009 at 11:54 am
Saint Bif
Yikes y’all. If that’s the case, I am flattered by all this, however as much as I would normally be willing to help out, I am on the verge of being out of pocket for a little more than a month.
FYI. I am less than a week a way from heading out on much needed vacation (Adirondacks and VT). During that time my presence around these parts will be sporadic at best.
Yes shoot my e-mail address over to Nudge anyway if you wouldn’t mind. thanks.
bunn, I think “subordinate” was probably intended only in a Saving Private Ryan context, so no biggy.
August 1, 2009 at 1:16 pm
bunnbunn
Never mind me. I’m illiterate in three languages, you know.
August 1, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Saint Bif
Well, no, you are right, my eyebrows did go up when I read “subordinate”. But I’m willing to give benfit of the doubt I guess.
I am honored to be mentioned in the same sentence as Conrad. He is probably, however, rolling in his grave: “The horror, the horror”. But Faulkner might have appreciated my old coon hound on the porch, eh?
Anyway, I’m sorry to turn down the FTA request. It sounds important to Nudge, so someone should help out. I am willing to assist when I return, if there is still a need.
August 2, 2009 at 4:54 am
bunnbunn
Ooops…. forgot William Manchester, Hitchens and Lovecraft.
You almost need to throw in Orwell and Dickens to justify keeping Amis and Dolan on that list, but I think I’ll stop here.
August 4, 2009 at 2:09 am
JR
I rarely invoke the “took a few ambien and had a few drinks” clause. Mainly because I think it is the sign of a quitter. Also because I’ve never taken ambien and I have no idea what “a few drinks” means. I can assure you I haven’t finished a liter of anything in over a week and the last time I stole 4-5 mg valium from a relatives medicine cabinet, I decided the same night that valium was the lamest shit ever.
I have no reason to speak of anybody as subordinates… well yes I do. I’ve always been at the bottom of the totem pole. But I would never. I know what it is like.
However I phrased whatever I said I would have phrased that way drunk or sober. Going forward, I’ll never forget how you saw it.
I was at my finest today.
I’ll spare you the conversation with this women today, but the end went like this…
[this is after me getting thoroughly annoyed with her, she had been wasting my time and the world's claiming (I don't doubt her) that she was a nurse and that's why she was asking all the questions. I answered every one. After the 17th one, you would have figured she would have started to trust me.
She was lucky, at 19, I would have cut off her head to cure the tongue problem. The 19th question. Had I been 19 years old, I would have shot myself in the head to get away from her.]
Me:”I don’t know, I don’t make the rules… well, at least not until I’m a Senator.”
Her: “(hahaha) oooh, nobody wants to be a Senator?!!!!!”
Me: [I gave her a look like I was the Devil himself. As if she was making fun of me. As if I wasn't 100 percent fucking serious. I never do this to my coworkers when I tell them I don't do certain things because I think it might hurt my future chances for the Presidency. Because I know I can at least get a decent laugh out of them. They know I'm fucking serious, they know I would never touch them, and they know they are voting for me because they've listened to me for years and know I'm the only hope for the country.
There was no hope for this woman. She was so kind and talked so much about how everybody was so great that it became so annoying that everybody just wanted to kill her. I can only guess her husband is deaf. She was half deaf, so the way she shouts has most likely caused this condition in him. It's funny. (to me). This has actually been done in a movie. When I saw the movie maybe three years ago, I thought it could never actually happen, that it was just a comedian writing a script. Oh, it's fucking real.]
Me: Who Doesn’t!!!!!! [with the Devil in my eye simultaneous with the ol' Johnny Rico wink]
That was it for her. She thanked me on the way out.
I realized she was the reason health-care was so expensive. Not “a” reason. “The” reason.
I learned my lesson though. The next time I see one like her, I’m not using any anesthetic and when I get the question about experience, I’m saying six and a half hours. Fuck these fucking people. I’m going to be killed by a sixteen year old girl driving while texting anyway. Fuck you all.
August 4, 2009 at 2:17 am
JR
Wait…
I actually said subordinate.
Nice job, Chris, you fucking moron.
I had a couple aspirin, I was working late, and I had a glass of wine.
I meant to say lieutenant. If somebody ever called me a subordinate, I wouldn’t write for them for 3 months and then make them promote me to administrator of their blog.
It was a weird colored wine. It almost looked like a pint of whiskey. But I’m not sure. I need to consult with the Kennedy’s (Kennedies?). The aspirin may have been clouding my judgment. And I was very tired.
August 4, 2009 at 3:08 am
bunnbunn
Is this the Moldovan you’re talking about? From what I know of them (brief but pleasant encounters, for the record), I highly doubt it.
August 4, 2009 at 3:46 am
JR
She might be Ukrainian, I’m in negotiatians with my official translator, who (luckily) I mended fences with 3 months ago. (I’ll keep you appraised (apprised?)
My situation in this one location has actually evilved over the last four years where there are 3 guys. I fucking hate it. The guys are all looking to me for guidance. Usually it is 2 of 3. The one who is there most of the time … nevermind. I so much liked it better liked it when I was the only gut there.
Both of them are married.
Now they have to say this shit in earshot of the girls. Back in the day, I could just think this stuff.
This Moldovan is gonna be the death of me. She’s a spy. I can tell. My life has just turned into the worst Le Carre Novel ever. And he doesn’t write bad shit. It’s Obama’s fault.