[Yes, I know this certaintly can't be original]

But Tiger?

You are 34 years old. Just spank it.

Are Coke, Meth, and Weed even illegal on the PGA?

Dude?

You have 500 mil or a coupla bil. You are too stupid to know how to spend it…

No… you are exactly this stupid. This is what you will do. Chase your wife and try to raise your daughters. You are the biggest douche. You need serious help. Ask Holmes. he went through this exact same scenario back in 93