Vulgar Display of Bunn


WAHHHHHHHH, HAAAAAAA, HAAAAAA… El Señor Rico, you think you can fire me?!? Notwithstanding your status as expert on all matters related to oil, pussy, F1 and Black Sabbath, you are victimized by the punishing fatal flaw of underestimating Bunn Bunn!

I’ve burrowed deep inside the belly of zee ZK beast and am now more omnipotent than ever. Your personal death march will involve ruing — with a style of grave sincerity generally only seen in B&W foreign movies of ancient vintage — the day that you dropped the washroom key. In my possession, the WC-opening bauble rapidly facilitated an unprecedented viral explosion of annoying performances and dissociative showboating. Sucker! My reign of terror is just beginning!

I’m watching all of you illuminati fucks and my finger is on the button. JR’s acting all good cop an’ shit, but that’s okay. I’m ripped and glossy and ready to mete out some serious discipline. (I’ve been wanting to do this for years. Ha ha! [If you didn’t pick up on that homage, you must make time in your life to sit at the feet of some master who can teach you about rock n’ roll]) For similar reasons (see his prior posts), Doom is scrambling to get his snout into this trough of obscene power. Trust me. I will look beneficent and tolerant once you see him in action.

If you were to call me an arrogant furry-assed self-promoting megalomaniac, you would be somewhere between one-quarter and three-fourths correct, depending upon whether and to what extent you’re onboard with my new global animism movement.

For Bunn’s sake, I hope that you lazy primates are enjoying this just a little bit, because it isn’t going last forever. So either way, you win.

While the bright light of the me that you see must eventually die, I live forever. (But, [as Byron King and others have said, and perhaps I paraphrase,] that’s another topic for another day.)

Bunn Bunn

32 Replies to “Vulgar Display of Bunn”

  1. Doom, I’m counting on you to take over for me soon. In your own inimmitable style of course!

    I wouldn’t mind seeing some of the ZK ladies take the wheel either, if you know what I’m saying.

  2. Bunn, run with it for a week or so, I’ve got a heavy teaching load next week, no foolin.

    Pace yourself, and keep a watchful eye on those foothills.

    I’ll do what i can, as soon as JR throws me the keys.

  3. Dave feels the power of the Bunn Bunn of steel and quakes. He feels all his illusions of male dominance leaving him. The gorillas can’t help now. All hail the Bunn Bunn. Meet, not meat, the new Boss Dave.

  4. Nudge, it looks like the down hole on one of the upper floors of Bunn’s rabbit condo. You see the bars of the cage wall in the background, which looks like a PV panel. Nice carpet.

  5. Doom, sir, you are correct. Nudge, I generate plenty of composting material (for what that’s worth).

    I read somewhere that bloggers are supposed to pay attention to their readers. What a concept. I’ll work on that.

    dave, I’ve had fantasies about Durga… you know, old fashioned, no strings attached, god-on-god action. You can’t find that category in craigs list, not even here in the shitmagnet. I figure her extra arms might come in handy. The rest of time I’m stuck (kinda like Zeus) slumming. I’m not complaining.

  6. Ooh-h-h-h-h, Bunn Bunn! You’re even cuter in full color instead of that horrible “night vision goggle, silence of the lambs, green.

    For a lagomorph, you’re pretty forward as as well.

    Just don’t take any wooden penises! Or is it beware geeks bearing dicks?

  7. EE, MOU, much obliged. You super cool babes always (and I mean always) make my day! And remember, ZK is where the party is.

    That said, and I should also say that this feels ohhh so appropriate right now for vewy wascally weasons, away we go with a clip from one of my favorite movies…

  8. I went in the woods and shot a deer Saturday AM. I have been known to go duck hunting on occasion but haven’t done too much deer hunting and not in the last 15 years. The opportunity arose to go out on opening day with my brothers-in-law. After five hours of standing like a statue in the cold rain, there he came, a big buck, and my aim was true. That night I hung it up in the barn and skinned it, then yesterday I butchered it myself. I had never done that before but knowledgeable old guys sat around talked me through it. It took me six hours to complete the entire process of butchering, processing, and packaging the meat, and then cleaning up. I learned a lot. I was slow but did a good job, and got over 45 lbs of venison.

  9. Good job, O Sainted One!

    Daughter Dearest has a friend whose stepdad has taken down three deer this season, and he’s out of room in his freezer. The only thing better than shooting a deer is having a luckier friend hand over his excess bounty…

    I take a .22 pistol along with me deer hunting, ever since I was standing quietly and the biggest dang squirrel I’d ever seen walked right up to me. With 12-gauge magnum loads and 00 buck, there wouldn’t have been anything left if I’d shot him from 4 feet away. So I’m ready for the small game as well as the large.

  10. Wow, Bif! Do you have any photos? Send ’em over and we’ll whip this into a post of some sort. (Finally something that ties into real world skills and survival stuff.) If there’s a Special Forces or Bin Ladin tie-in, we are headed for a literary prize.

  11. Three? My god. FAR, I can’t imagine taking three. I worked my ass off for two whole days just dealing with one. It was a lot of effort on not much sleep. Plus its cold here now and alternated freezing rain and snow. My hands hurt and are still thawing out. After all that I slept eleven hours last night I was so exhausted.

    The damned thing probably weighed 120 lbs (a rough guess) after it was gutted. Luckily I was able to take a guy’s tractor back in the woods (about 3/4 mile), lifted it up onto the back, tied it up, and brought it down to the barn that way. I don’t know how people drag them that far, especially if there’s no snow on the ground. But, like Yogi Berra might have said, I’m older than I used to be.

    FYI, I used an 870 pump shotgun, shooting a standard 12-gauge slug, which is basically my old duck hunting gun with a short deer barrel and open sights; its all I’ve got to work with, but I know where the slug is going within 50 yards. The shot on Saturday was about 40 yards so things worked out.

    I could have paid a butcher $75 to cut it up but I wanted to learn how to do it myself and thankfully two old timers showed me how to do everything. It wasn’t that bad or messy really. After doing the fillets, tenderloins, steaks and various roasts, I put the rest of it through a grinder and a hand-crank mixer, mixing in just a small amount of beef fat (because venison is totally lean), and made about 15 lbs of hamburger.

    In closing, I thought about things doing all this. I killed this animal and spent more than a day processing it for consumption. Sounds weird but I felt a sort of reverence for the animal by butchering it myself. Not like shooting and plucking ducks. I will be pondering this for a while. Animal rights activists probably wouldn’t understand. But I would take a deer again next year I think.

  12. Bif, not to rain on your triumph, but if a good portion of the 300+ million in the US decided to hunt deer, for food, how long before they run out? Look at fishing. The planet’s running out of wild fish. Too many folks eating and hunting the stuff. But, of course, not everyone will be willing or able to hunt. Perhaps deer slugs or buck shot will get scarce. Enjoy your deer whilst you can.

    Worked on a selected UH faculty interview with Jay Hanson today. Glad to report that went well. Should be an interesting, informative discussion. I’ll try to get it recorded.

  13. Doom, I know what you are saying. Although there is currently an overpopulation of deer right now (favorable habitat plus lack of predators) it wouldn’t take long for a few million hungry people to put a major dent in that population, with full eradication happening in many areas, as happened in the 1800s. I didn’t do this for honing survival skills per se (although yes it crossed my mind), but rather it was just something I wanted to do with my bros.

    But fuck that anyway Doom. I like learning about things and taking care of business. Which I will do right up until the boogyman steals my last crumbs and I keel over. What else is there to do?

    Bunn, I sent you a photo. Your call.

  14. Bif, for you especially, “A deer story”:

    Posted by a guy on a Harley forum. Quite a hoot.

    I have a buddy that owns a farm, and this is his story. I almost pissed my pants when he told me this story!

    “I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

    The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

    After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out….a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it…it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

    The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED.

    The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

    A deer– no chance.

    That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

    The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute.

    I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when…

    I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

    I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it.

    While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal –like a horse –strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

    I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

    The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

    So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

    All these events are true so help me God..
    Sincerely, Worlok”

  15. FAR, yeah, I’m the fuhizzlesirjizzle, or whatever.

    Doom, the paradox of omnipotence is that I can create things (such as the recent comments section) that I can’t control.

    Bif, thanks. Got any photos of the rendering?

  16. lassooing a deer is funny. ocassionaly i set snares on deer trails, black parachute cord in a slip knot loop tied to a tree. have never caught a deer though.

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