¿Por qué no te callas? (STFU)

Chavez. Alo Presidente. The man is a megalomaniac. He WILL NOT shut up. Recently he was told by his doctors to shut up, lest he damage his vocal cords and throat. He laughed it off and talked and sang for three hours. When he speaks in public or on his television show he can go four or five hours, no problem. When he’s talking on TV they hang out of their windows in Caracas and beat pots and pans together. I’m surprised more of them don’t jump.

Back in 2007 at the Chilean Summit there was the incident where Spain’s King Juan Carlos couldn’t take it anymore and leaned across the table and told Chavez to “shut up”.

Then Sean Penn emerges from his audience last fall with Chavez and (like the Dennis Hopper character in Apocalypse Now) tells with pride how the man spoke to him for hours. What a joke. He wouldn’t shut up. What’s new?

Speaking of jokes, the story goes that after being kidnapped in the failed coup against him in 2002 Chavez amazed the world by suddenly becoming free of his captors. Well turns out they turned him loose because he wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

Now there’s this. Beginning tomorrow, Senor Chavismo will perform a television marathon only Jerry Lewis could admire. The presidente will speak and sing stfufor four days and nights.

Songs and sackings expected on four-day Chávez talkshow

He is expected to interview guests, sing, recount childhood anecdotes, dissect foreign and domestic policy, recite quotations, muse on Latin American history, maybe hire and fire government officials, all without a teleprompter or script.

Every channel, he will be there. Day after day after day after day. No soccer, no baseball, no soap operas, just Alo Presidente. By the millions they will be begging their televisions for him to shut up. But he won’t.

OK. Super special prize for first one here to correctly provide Chavez nickname for Bush.

17 Replies to “¿Por qué no te callas? (STFU)”

  1. Mr Google knows the nickname.

    Chavez is emulating his hero Castro, in being longwinded. Chavez is typical of these political types. At first, he’s great- feeding the hungry, building schools, hospitals, etc. Then, they go bananas, ordering everyone to do weird shit like wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes.

  2. Oh, crap. AU just reminded me Bananas was on cable and I forgot to set my VCR.

    Bush’s nickname? Shithead, shitheel, shitmonkey, little shit. How many guesses do I get? I know there was a shit in it. Devil Shit (in Spanish).

    I refuse to use the Google in this case.

    Bif has to be one of the kindest, endearing, fair-minded and sober-headed people I know on the Internet, but he has some weird, obsessive hatred for Chavez. I love it.

    I can’t say I share Bif’s obsession, but Hugo fascinates me. I wouldn’t call him Hitler, but with a bigger army I wouldn’t put anything past him. The best part is that almost all his “programs” and whatnot have failed. I can’t wait to see what happens when he finally gets tossed on his ass, by force or by election.

    He’ll probably end up doing a late-night show in the US. He’s cut out for it. The whole semi-dictator in Latin America thing was kind of a fluke. But most of like is, so there’s that.

    Frontline had a great piece on Hugo in the last 3 or 4 months (available at PBS online, I’m sure. Check it out).

  3. JR. Nice try, I might have also guessed “shitmonkey”. Chavez has always referred to Bush as “Mr. Danger”. You gotta admit, that’s funny.

    Chavez has never been a major figure of concern here I know. If you want that kind of response, you need to bring up Asoka. I don’t hate Chavez. I think he’s an insane buffoon, but I don’t hate him. What annoys, interests, and scares me is that Chavez-types are elected as national leaders. We’ve been over this here and at CFN. Shit on people long enough and the anger and frustration will produce extreme versions of revolutionary leadership and they will become agents for righteous cause, and fully sanctioned to right all wrongs, return the glory, etc. This gets dangerous. Most revolutionary leaders are blow hards, opportunists and frauds, and/or abandon the core cause and become intensely self serving and obsessed with consolidating of power, once emplaced at the helm. Again, nothing new, you know this. He is such a bore, a clown really. Same shenanigans over and over. He is so far predictable. So far. Interesting you bring up Hitler. I don’t think he’s that kind of sociopath, however it was not all that different of sentiment that elected him and put him in charge. Venezuelans were extremely angry and frustrated, rightfully so. They rebelled with their votes. He just as well could have been a Hitler rather than a big clown. You don’t know what he’s capable of yet though, once he feels seriously threatened. I believe he will eventually be very threatened internally. Mounting social problems will overwhelm him. In order to counter this he will eventually lash out (Argentina style) against an external foe, and when that doesn’t work out, turn against his own people. Isn’t that how these go? Time will tell.

  4. “I think he’s an insane buffoon, but I don’t hate him.”

    Just wanted to clear that up.

    Whatever it it is, your fascination with Chavez is refreshing. I have always envied it. I love it and I love you. Keep it up. Don’t stop. (Wait, that sounds kinda gay).

  5. Seriously? I totally agree.

    “What annoys, interests, and scares me is that Chavez-types are elected as national leaders”

  6. This is going to pis some people off, but I want to be the first to say it, because it will come out very soon, and it will be how history sees things.

    George Bush actually pursued a very sane strategy with Chavez. He initially went tet-at-tet, mano-a-mano, however you want to describe things, with Chavez – but very early after some initial skirmishes, the Bush administration (basically after the 700 Club dude said he should be assassinated) took a “totally ignore” stance which they held all the way through.

    Correct me if I am wrong.

    And ignore they did.

    It is interesting that Obama said he would engage with Iran and Venezuela. And has really only made a show of attempting to do so with Iran. There was the Latin America summit which I didn’t follow closely (maybe I’m wrong).

    There is also the thing early where Chavez said Obama had “the same shit stink as Bush.”

    I think we need to have a weekly feature on Hugo here. Maybe a “tab.” We can alternate between me and you. Nobody will ever take his side.

    Remind me to set that up after I pay more attention to Yarra.

  7. Ya gotta admit those remarks about the sulfur smell at the lectern were pretty funny. What a stand up commodian!

    “The devil came here yesterday,” Chavez said, referring to Bush, who addressed the world body during its annual meeting Tuesday. “And it smells of sulfur still today.”

    “Chavez accused Bush of having spoken “as if he owned the world” and said a psychiatrist could be called to analyze the statement.”

    “As the spokesman of imperialism, he came to share his nostrums to try to preserve the current pattern of domination, exploitation and pillage of the peoples of the world. An Alfred Hitchcock movie could use it as a scenario. I would even propose a title: ‘The Devil’s Recipe.’ ”
    http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/09/20/chavez.un/index.html

  8. I’m pretty sure “The Devil’s Recipe” is not a Hitchcock film. But I could be wrong.

  9. Embedding disabled by request? WTF? Who’s request?

    Nevermind, this new 2008 trailer is not worthy of the classic film.

  10. “Embedding disabled by request? WTF? Who’s request?”

    It’s youtube copyright police. I actually like it. Trust me, it’s not Cheney and his evil divisions of KBR executives.

  11. D3PO, that guy is to the toy world what Michael Moore is to the history-and-politics world. It would be too funny to seat him next to Jimbo on a plane and see how they get on.

    Couldn’t they relabel the Bratz dolls “Slutz” instead? Would be a little more accurate.

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