20 Replies to “The Ballad of Jim E”

  1. OK. I get a little “crazy” every now and then but do you remember your “Supersize it” comment, after my post about a sweep, a few years ago?… Back when you posted on JHK’s blog? I will never foget it. You are good!
    Bjarne Riis thinks its possible in 2011.

  2. “Supersize it” doesn’t ring any bells Jim e. If I said something that caused any animals to be harmed, I am sorry.

  3. Good Gawd, what is it with you people and bicycles?

    I mean, I like bicycles too, but car people want to kill bike people.

    At least it seems that way.

  4. I’m sorry. I’ve been AWOL for a few days. Can someone explain to me this post. I love Bif and JimE and these are some of my favorite Traffic songs, but WTF is going on.

    I’m trying too read a book and deal with my inner demons,I don’t have time et o .. fuck you, Chris, you better find the time, it’s your blog, asshole.

    Fine, JR, relax, I’ll look into it.

    You better, you lazy piece of shit. Go smoke a butt, fret about Katya, and get back here and take some command

    JR: I’m just burnt

    Chris: I understand. I’ve been there. Have you had enough sleep?

    JR: Yeah I’m actually well rested. 50mg diazepam and 10 mg oxycodone are pretty good. Somebody should amke a pill out of that combo
    Chris: What do you want for breakfast?

    JR: Two eggs sunny. Wheat toast. Ham. Water. CNN. Then Coffee.

    Chris: You got it.

    JR: You realize something big is gonna happen today?

    Chris: Why do you say that?

    JR: Surprise. May 10th/11th. The Germans thought April 25th. Then May 25th. They never suspected the 11th. Surprise is no longer very relevant in warfare. But it is in life. August has been uneventful. The heat came in July.

    I’m not predicting. I’m just sying be ready. Preparedness is everything. Alwaty make sure you have candles. Know where you candles and matches are. Have water stored. Have ammo. Have canned food.

    Make sure your batteries are charged. Have a gas-tank full. Don’t drive. Use fans, not AC. Conserve. Learn to eat rice. (It stores).

    Clean all the unnecessary shit out of your house to provide free-fire zones. [You have years to do this – start now. Wipe procrastination from your dictionary. Make a list]. Keep anything that burns and put it in a burn corner for the winter.

    When the shit goes down, you better be ready.

    Learn to cook. Learn how to substitute. Place special attention to people that know how to cook.

    Rent “The Road.” I’m not saying that is gonna happen tomorrow. I’m saying those kinda skills put you above the pack today.

    Put oil in your own car, listen for the engine. It tells you with the flutter way before the dash light.

    The Goodship Lollipop has 78,000 miles. I’ll keep her until she dies. Then I will find her sister. 4-cylinder. 117 horspower. Never a problem with the gearbox or engine. And I fucked the shit out of her every day. Things broke. Mostly plastic and lights. But she was a 3000-lb light tank. I’ll put her #1 to my 900 Turbo at #2. At 90-110 in 128 rush hor traffic using all three lanes and the breakdown, I won. I could never blow your engine.

    I blew the Nissan’s, but that must have been an 85 or 86 and it was Mexican heat and the road from San Miguel to Queretaro is a straight shot at 90-100.

    For the money, I’ll take the Volkswagen.

  5. “Good Gawd, what is it with you people and bicycles?”

    “You people”?

    What are you? The house cracker?

    Doom, we are all slaves here, and if you have a problem you can address it personally to me, the Nigger-in -Chief, Chief Thunderclound.

    Just Kidding. I love the term, “You People.” I still don’t understand why those watermelon-eating, banjo-playing monkees have a problem with it. (Joke, NAACP, Joke, I’m a comedian, you bunch of faggots)

  6. Complexity theory. Nissan products simple, look cheap, are cheap. But looks deceiving. Open up hood. LOTS of air inside, no so much hoses and wires. You like nothing to do, you like pay attention to me. No never mind, you go work. You think good old days, lots of money, nice city lights, lotsa food for JR and Chris. No zombies.

    Doom channels jhoon rhee.

  7. “Stupid asshole, buy Nissan. It good, last long time.”

    “I willl teach you” – Gunnery Sgt. Hartmann.
    It should have been written rike this.

    “Me so horny. Me rove you wrong time. Buy Rissan. It rove you rong time.”

  8. “What are you? The house cracker?”

    Gawd, I actually miss Dale, the former resident bonehead on CFN. He was kinda fun to play with.

    I miss OEO even moron.

    Of course, there’s always asoka, the human tar baby.

  9. One thing about Dave. Jhoon Rhee apparently is a good cook and feeds him so much and then fucks his brains out that he is in bed from about 8 until 6. Takes a dump. She cooks him breakfast, he goes fishing and then she leaves him alone for writing until dinner. What a life

    I’m just guessing, but I bet they live in Frank Lloyd Wrights’ Falling Water House and fuck like porn stars all over the place.

    I only ask that Dave write here occasionally. He does that. Like a former coach of Darryl Strawberry said, at gametime he is right between the lines.

  10. “What are you? The house cracker?”

    Jesus, loosen up. You misread that. It was a joke. Have a drink. I love you as much as Katya. Which is stupid. I should love you more… Okay, I do love you more. She’s a filthy cunt. But this could change.

    1. Doom
    2. Katya
    3. Ashley
    4. Dave
    5. Bif
    6. Dad
    7. Mom
    8. Lory
    9. Lady Gaga
    10. Led Zeppelin

  11. “I’m just guessing, but I bet they live in Frank Lloyd Wrights’ Falling Water House and fuck like porn stars all over the place.”

    Just don’t move his furniture. If you move his furniture, his estate will cancel your mortgage and throw you ass out.

    There’s something very kinky about living in Falling Water House and ignoring it, while fucking like porn stars all over the place. In a way, it’s like so unauthoritarian, ignoring the genius and leaving big California potato chips all over his fine furniture, carpets, and bed mattresses. Yep, Dave and Jhoon Rhee are the perfect couple for that place.

    Clockwork Orange.

  12. “Just don’t move his furniture. If you move his furniture, his estate will cancel your mortgage and throw you ass out.”

    On August 22nd I’ll be turning 42. I’ve gotta be checjing. It might be 41. Doesn’t matter.

    The falling water house doen’t matter.

    There is a PBS iece on his ____ (I forget the stae) his other house. It burned. His Husseys’s.

    Telll me about this. I know you will be quick. AU might beat you to this.

    I just want the story.

    I’m coming into a lot of money. There will be no fights, I’m financially proficient. I just want to live comfortably until I die. I’ll set aside equal amounts for all od you. I am negotiating with my ma. and pa.

    There is nothing to worry about.

    Dave is getting the bulk.. 30% easy.

    Bunn
    Biff
    Nudge
    EE
    MOU

    Doom. Kidding..Cairo. No, Doom, you are at the top.

  13. San Miguel is where my sister married late last year.
    Don’t drive. Use fans, not AC. Conserve. Learn to eat rice. (It stores).
    Oat meal does not keep as well as GRITS!

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